Funny mis-reads

 

Spoiler alert:  No sewing machines in this post

Getting old is just an endless source of amusement---if you have the right mindset.

I have cataracts.  They have been developing for years but last summer reached some kind of tipping point.  I gathered up my courage, left my self-imposed isolation and risked death by coronavirus by going to see my eye doctor.  Their covid protocols were all that could be desired.

He told me that yes, the long-predicted day had come when I needed to have them removed, but that no harm would be done by waiting until the end of the pandemic.

I can't see very well.  I don't drive at night anymore.  I have my recliner pulled up to within a few feet of the large screen TV.  And (here's the funny part--you WERE wondering when I was going to get to the funny part, right?) I quickly skim over reading the headlines of news stories and often mis-read them with hilarious results. 

So I decided to start collecting them here and post them when I had accumulated a sufficiently entertaining number.

Merkel and pastry chef at odds over measures.  Merkel and party chief at odds over measures.

Cannabis appears when angels are near.  Cardinals appear when angels are near.   (On an ad for a garden bench.)

Even Myths Have Leggings.  Even Myths Have Legends.  (Ad for a fantasy book series on Audible).

Beard Spotlight.  Board Spotlight.  (Story about the board of directors of a philanthropy, accompanied by a head shot of one of the directors.   It was the lack of any beard on the woman's photo that made me look at the headline more closely.) 

Merkel Warns of More Mutants.  Actually this IS what the headline said.   The fact that it caused me to do a double take was undoubtedly because my son-in-law and I had watched Evil Dead 2 the night before.  Angela wasn't talking about mutant zombies but of mutant viruses..  

Swein Forkbeard's Fashions.  Swein Forkbeard's Invasions and the Danish Conquest of England,  991 to 1017.  This sounds like a book I would love to read.  But I would love Swein Forkbeard's Fashions even more.

America Is Running Low on Children.  America Is Running Low on Chicken.  In related news, our fertility rate IS the lowest in our entire history.  It had been falling long before the pandemic started and has fallen even more.

Chinese TVs Caught Spying on Omelettes.  Chinese TVs Caught Spying on Owners.

A fanciful underwear scene decorates the entire hem of this black linen skirt.  A fanciful underwater scene decorates the entire hem of this black linen skirt.   (From an article in Threads magazine.  The underwater scene was lovely but my imagination is running wild on an embroidered border of underwear on a black linen skirt.)

Amazing images of warship sunk in West Cork in 1796 shows cayenne still on board.  Amazing images of warship sunk in West Cork in 1796 show cannon still on board. 

Virtual pasta making glass.  Virtual pasta making class.  This one really confused me for a moment.   What's virtual pasta and how can it be making glass?  Even on the first re-read where i "got" it that the word was class, I was still wondering what virtual pasta was.  

I'm sure you have noticed by now that my subconscious mind is obsessed with food.

Women's Free Range Organic Cotton Bralette.  Wait a doggone minute, this is EXACTLY what it does say.  I didn't mis-read it.  I sure am glad those cottons get to wander freely around the farm.  I would hate to think of them being confined to giant metal barns with tens of thousands of other cottons.

 

The first cataract is now removed and the vision and light and color coming in is AMAZING.  I'm sure everyone who has had cataracts removed knows exactly what I mean.  The other one gets removed three weeks from now.

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Progress in my studio and workroom continues at my "new" house.  Built in 1972, exactly the same year as my "old" house.   It's slow but I have thing together enough to do some sewing.  I made gorgeous and super easy and surprisingly inexpensive floor length pleated linen curtains for three of the rooms.  Let me know in the comments below if you want to hear all about them.

Eventually I will write about vintage sewing machines and accessories again,  but in the meantime I'll post random stuff sporadically just to let you know I haven't forgotten about you, dear readers!