Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Perfectly Fitting Pants for the Perfect Paleolithic Tush

Every woman should have pants that fit perfectly.  They are truly life-altering in their effect on one's psyche.

Pants that fit perfectly don't
  • bag
  • bind
  • bunch
  • constrict
  • pinch
  • pull
  • sag
  • strain
  • twist
They feel great when you are
  • bending over
  • dancing
  • driving 
  • hiking
  • roller blading
  • running
  • sitting
  • sky diving
  • standing
  • walking
    Pants that fit perfectly
    • sit perfectly
    • are the perfect length for your taste
    • have the leg width just the way you like them:  not too floppy, not too tight
    • fit perfectly in every dimension at every point: waist, seat, thighs, knees, calves, ankles

    In the last week I have made three pairs of pants, and have the 4th and last pair cut out.  I tend to make them in batches, so they tend to wear out in batches.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  We won't discuss the weight gain if you don't mind.

    My favorite type of pants are very simple in design:  elastic waist,  medium weight woven fabric with a touch of spandex in it, pockets on the front but not back, slim but not tight legs.  The latest addition on this round of pants-making is a clever little cell phone pocket inside the right hand pocket, a detail copied from one of the DDs pants.

    How to make perfectly fitting pants?  it's really easier than all the millions of words printed on the subject:
    • take the pair of pants that fit you the best
    • wait until they die (are no longer wearable)
    • analyze the things that are not perfect about them
      • in my case the center front is always too high and the center back is always too low
    • deconstruct them stitch by stitch (takes me about 2 hours, but I am notoriously slow at everything I do)
    • make the necessary changes to them (in my case taking a tuck in the center front seam and slash and spread the center back seam).

    Pants that fit perfectly don't have to be on a perfect body.  Although I, in fact, DO have the perfect body.   For the Upper Paleolithic, that is.  If you don't know what I mean, just google Venus de Willendorf.  Although I am not as well endowed up top as Ms. de Willendorf, I can match her cellulite for cellulite on the lower torso.  I'm sure that is way more than you ever wanted to know about me, but even us lush-goddess-types can enjoy a perfectly fitting pair of pants.


    1. Oh Cheryl, I do hope you don't look like that statue ; ) Oh My! Thank goodness pants keep our cellulite covered.

    2. @Cheryl: What's the matter, don't you share the Paleolithic aesthetic? Those were the BABES back then! LOL, have to see how many followers I LOSE over this post!

    3. DD#1 says: Ha! I love this post! Tragically, I've inherited more from the Milo side than the Willendorf. I'll forgive you, if I survive the next winter.


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